Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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