I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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