Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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