My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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