Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
