I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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