The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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