my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
