I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
