I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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