and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
