Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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