Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
