im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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