woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
