i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
