It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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