Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW