Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
