She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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