I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize