I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
