now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
