You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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