You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
