It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
