oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
