Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
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That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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