Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Can I color on your dick again?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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