speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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