She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
