are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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