One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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