Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
