Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
