I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
