fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
