Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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