dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
