planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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