You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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