He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
