When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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