I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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