My room smells like vodka and shame
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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