just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
