i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
