I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
only you would photoshop your dick
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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