If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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