and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
