Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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