I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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