you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
