i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
