Tell her she can't have a vagina
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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