addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
