I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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