That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
