i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
