He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
