are you still at the devil's house?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
