How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
