I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
