I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
