OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
