Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
