Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize