broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
