i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
