And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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