I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
