in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
