it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
