If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
