If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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