i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
