: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
