If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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