Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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