So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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