yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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