see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
